This one time…

I went away on a school trip to some place in Wales and I had to climb up a mountain. I was already fuming because I had a crush on the head master and he shared his flask of tea with the deaf girl (the little lucky fuck) and I was in a mood so I was legit last up this fucking mountain - then on the way down it I tripped over a bush and tumbled pretty much the entire way down in all the heather and stuff. And people thought I was messing so joined in so there was some small troop of rolling 9 year olds. Then when I got to the bottom I finally stood up and some dick pushed me into the river as soon as I got up so yet again people thought I was messing so everyone jumped into the river and the teachers fumed and everyone was wet.

And I told this story on my year 6 leaving video and said:

“If I ever see the person who splashed me I’ll give them a knuckle sandwich”

You know, because I’m that twat who actually said knuckle sandwich?

And one time we had to do a prayer circle in Church and I had to hold the head masters hand and it smelt like him and I was like “NEVA WASHING DIS HAND EVA AGEN - LUV HIM DA ENTIRE WORLD. FAYE <3z MR. DOYLE” but then my mother being the bitch she is made me do it.