Last story from that fucking horrific school trip:

When we went there, there was an old story about an old sailor who haunted the halls I was staying in. I don’t know how the fuck there was an old sailor because we were in the middle of the countryside… Anyway, this old man was named ‘Peg Leg’ and his named was plastered all over the walls.

One night I got up to take a piss but the toilets were upstairs, so as I was walking up the stairs some huge figure was walking down with a hood up and he was limping and smoke was around his face so I actually shit and I was like “OHMIGOD ITS PEGLEG, OH GOD PEGLEGS GONNA GET ME OHMIGOD” so I screamed it everywhere - woke up literally everyone.

I may or may not of slightly pissed myself at this point. 

I was in hysterics like “GONE DIE GONE DIE” and my friends were like “OMG NEAR DEATH BY A DEAD SAILOR” 

So finally after the teachers had calmed me down they pointed out that Mr. Pie was on night duty and he smokes - he’d also hurt his ankle in the day time… hence the limp. 

So, the next morning I woke up still in shock and what walked past my window? Two cows shagging. When I say that I mean the male cow shoving his widger into the female without her consent. I witnessed cow rape. To top it all off, some girl was accusing me of stealing her rock she found the day before. When in actual fact my friend threw it out the window.  

This was the same girl who told the entire camp that I was a racist because I laughed when she got hit in the head with a football. I’m not racist, I just didn’t like you.